welcome to the real world. think of money and who is going to make the most. the one who has the most, wins. start making investments, she said. have you ever earned a cent in your life? so and so is making this much cash working at that investment bank; i can get you a job there no problem. wait, you want to go to graduate school? really? what are you going to do with the rest of your life? these are but a few curious questions i’ve received upon reaching home soil. and who can blame them. just last year i interned at an investment bank, wanting to know what was so awesome about learning where your money goes, what people are doing with it, etc. i didn’t like it. i haven’t the slightest inkling about finances and i’m not sure if i want to know more.
you don’t have to love your job to be good at it, so people tell me, but if you do, you’re limitless in your capacity to push unseen boundaries. i realized this too. though i knew nothing, my boss appreciated me and said he would gladly recommend me to other firms if i wanted to. i was keen and thankful. however, i realized some seven months later that i am greedy, yes i am. i want to have the bloody cake and eat it. i want to love my job and be the damned fucking best i can be and still earn a decent living. i fit like a true square peg in a round hole, and i am not sure if i want to become a round peg if it means compromising my edge.
despite my constant gripes about going into bioengineering and the general turtle paced nature of scientific research, i find comfort and warmth in the cold harsh light of the lab, the slightly metallic smell in the air, the ability to tune out the world by leafing through the most difficult journals in the world. and this, i think, is what i appreciate the most about being a “scientist”: you can be weird and awkward as all hell and nobody is going to speak ill of you; i never cared much for mumbling less or giving hugs.
who knows, really. this bright eyed glassy phase might be cut short by the sharp reality that i’m not smart enough to go to a good graduate school. welcome to the real world.