brokeback mountain, acceptance and too much chili

1.

Late in the afternoon, thunder growling, that same old green pickup rolled in and he saw Jack get out of the truck, beat up Resistol tilted back. A hot jolt scalded Ennis and he was out on the landing pulling the door closed behind him. Jack took the stairs two and two. They seized each other by the shoulders, hugged mightily, squeezing the breath out of each other, saying, son of a bitch, son of a bitch, then, and easily as the right key turns the lock tumblers, their mouths came together, and hard, Jack’s big teeth bringing blood, his hat falling to the floor, stubble rasping, wet saliva welling, and the door opening and Alma looking out for a few seconds at Ennis’s straining shoulders and shutting the door again and still they clinched, pressing chest and groin and thigh and leg together, treading on each other’s toes until they pulled apart to breathe and Ennis, not big on endearments, said what he said to his horses and his daughters, little darlin’.

– Brokeback Mountain, Annie Proulx

2. when you come to terms with the fact that some dreams might take longer to realize than others, and stop hating yourself for not being able to accomplish your dream on time, your heart feels a lot less heavy. yes, i can do this. i can still go to med school, but it will probably take me longer.

3. i was with R from monday to thursday because he is leaving to a place far, far away; to a place i actually called home for a year. i kind of hate him for it, but his reasons are all but necessary. we are grown up now. in any case, we spent the last 4 days eating some form of chili everyday and i laughed like a child when he couldn’t stomach the lamb curry from the indian place downstairs. then i found myself paying for it just as i got home. i only know two people in the world who love capsaicin as much as i do, R included. there is nothing quite as exquisite as bonding over the pain of nibbling gingerly on chicken wings soaked in ghost chili glaze.

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