just remembering

i remember the reason why i bought every article in my wardrobe. when i take out certain blouses and t-shirts from the cavernous underbelly of my horribly designed wardrobe, i am brought back to a hazy place and time; the first time i acquired this t-shirt i held in my hand. so, in order to forget, i throw many of these things out. the mind can behave like a magnificent filter if you want it to. there is no such thing as “i forgot”.  every memory is gingerly shelved away, like delicate fragments of some space-time continuum, borne as signals in the brain. i remember most things that have happened in the past two and a half years, but i don’t remember anything before that, but i do remember things that occurred before 2005.

it’s funny how the both of us are into memory storage in the brain, and yet we forget how time ravages both mind and body. i like to think that we are impervious to the effects of Time’s Arrow. when he is around i forget that time moves forward, always accelerating forward at some warp speed towards zero hour, the hour in which one of us must pack our bags and leave. i’d forgotten for a while now how painful leaving could be, but i hadn’t forgotten on purpose; it was just replaced by some transient moment of unsullied happiness, probably in that instance when i was just riding around on a rented bicycle on the beach one evening with him.

i spent this weekend milling about at home, in my own room that somehow changes every time i come back every month, most probably modified by some visiting family member who opts to stay in my room instead of the guest room. i bought two pairs of shoes to replace some old flats. last night, we celebrated my grandparents’ 55th wedding anniversary and i got a polaroid picture to pin to my cork board in my other room. god bless them for they have been very kind to me.

and now, i must leave.

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